Why my daughters won’t get pregnant in high school, why they won’t be a sluts in high school…. Why… because they have their daddy. She has her daddy’s love, what all teenage girls and women strive to get. It is true, you marry your father… so to speak. Women who grew up with out a strong father figure develop “daddy” issues. If you don’t believe me, take a look at yourself, or a friend that grew up with out a present father figure…. Didn’t she have issues in high school?? Always went for the “bad boy” Tried one to many drugs? Pimped herself out just trying to find someone to love her? If you have a daughter, especially a teenage daughter, she needs time with her daddy. The reason for my ramblings today, my daughter had to write a report on families, and this is the subject she chooses to do it on. And she realized in the process just how lucky she is to live with her dad, and how much he does for her. Here are some articles we found while doing her research. (For my single friends who alienate there ex-husbands from the daughters, you may want to rethink that, studies show that little girls need their daddy’s just as much as they need you if not more)
Please Please Please, I can not stress this enough… Teenage Girls Absolutely Need Their Dads! Dad’s play such an important role in their daughters lives. their future relationships with men are based on that of their relationship they have with their father. If a father is not in the picture chances are the girl will seek the “love” of a male elsewhere (and we all know what type of love that is). Dad’s be there for your daughters, ask them about their days. Take an interest in what they have to say. Let them know that their opinion counts. I think it is important and so very special to have those moments with one another. Give them a small token like a ring or a necklace that the can Carry with them to remind them that their daddy does care, and they will have that during those tough decision making times when you can not be there. When you give it to them let them know how important it is to you that they know they don’t have to make difficult decisions alone, and that you may not always be right but you will be there to discuss different options with them in any decisions they may have to make. It is crucial for a dad to be involved in his daughter’s life so that she will be a well rounded adult. She will have a much better level of respect toward men and for herself, because her daddy cared enough to be involved. Wow! after writing this I think I’ll call my dad…
There’s a growing awareness of a father’s importance in the life of his daughter. Both the academic world and the general population are recognizing that a dad’s influence goes beyond the “little girl” years into adulthood, and is an important complement to her mom’s vital role.
A recent study from the University of Texas connected father involvement with less sexual activity among teenage daughters.
We’re doing everything we can to let dads know how important they are to their daughters. At our Father-Daughter Summit events, we meet dads from around the country who are eager to understand the unique needs of their daughters, ready to learn better communication and desire to maintain a relationship of openness, honesty and affirmation.
If you talk with the daughters, they’ll share how they want to know and be known by their fathers. They are ready to move beyond any past disappointments and look to the future with hope.
Not long ago, after an event to promote one of our Summits, a woman named Melinda approached one of our staff members and said, “Thank you for your message to fathers. I’m 36 years old, happily married, the mother of two boys, and I have a master’s degree in counseling. But what I have never had is a relationship with my father.”
She continued, in a broken voice, “I’ve wondered if there’s something wrong with me that has kept my dad away.”
Melinda’s words provide a clear picture of the need for events like our Father-Daughter Summit, and the need for all of us dads to connect in an affirming way with our daughters. If they know that we love them, believe in them, and are doing what we can to help them succeed, it will make a world of difference.
ACTION POINTS
Have flowers delivered to your daughter “just because.”
Block off 2 hours on your calendar and surprise your daughter with lunch, whether she’s two or twenty.
Ask the mother of your daughter or another woman close to her how you could be a support to your daughter during this time.
Write your daughter a letter listing specifically what you appreciate about her. If she is very young, plan to present it to her on her 10th birthday.
Ask your daughter to tell you about her friends, or the young men in her life.
Carry out all of the above in appropriate ways for your sons as well.
FWD from fathers.com
Every Day Is Dad’s Day
Pondering the reality and importance of fathering. Why dads matter just as much as moms do, if not more.
By:Hara Estroff Marano
I’d like to pause a bit on fathers—not to rehash the goopy sentiments of the day, but to ponder the reality and importance of fathering.
Let us understand at the outset that talking about the value of fathers does not diminish the crucial role of mothers, among whom I number. Nor is it a put-down of single mothers. Many do a heroic job raising their kids.
But most kids yearn for two parents. And most parents would agree the job needs more than one adult. There’s a growing amount of science to back up the idea that the presence of a father has powerful and apparently unique effects on children.
“There’s no substitute for a father’s presence,” says Randall Flanery, a pediatric psychologist at Saint Louis Behavioral Medicine Institute. Oh yes, Flanery is also the father of 10 children.
He ticks off the benefits to children of having a dad around. Studies show that the risk of juvenile delinquency, substance abuse, sexual abuse, early pregnancy and dropping out of high school is six times higher for children whose biological fathers are not part of their lives.
Young children may look at the absence of their father as a personal rejection. “They see not having dad around as proof there’s something wrong with them,” Flanery explains.
Even in families that have a dad, it’s more important for him to be at the weekly soccer games than for him to be working late so the family can afford a fancy vacation every two years. “Luxuries aren’t really what a kid needs and wants.”
Dads become especially critical during adolescence. Generally, says Flanery, “fathers are better at setting limits with teenage boys. I’ve seen it in my practice. Teenage boys, who are on the brink of losing control, calm down quite a bit by having their dads show up. It can keep things from escalating further.”
Important as fathers are to sons, they may be even more important to the development and behavior of teenage daughters. Girls are twice as likely as boys to become depressed after puberty.
Flanery contends that the mood changes are often linked to estrangement from Dad. Girls are “looking to Dad to give them a clue about guys. But they miss out if Dad isn’t there.”
In addition, the quality of the relationship between a teenage daughter and her father is predictive of the quality of a committed relationship she will have in her young adult years.
And this may be the most amazing finding of all: girls who grow up without their biological father are likely to physically mature faster, reach puberty earlier than their peers, and get pregnant early.
How does father absence accelerate puberty in daughters? It’s not clear. Early puberty may be a response to high rates of conflict and stress in divorced and blended families.
Or early menstruation may result from the presence of a non-related male in the home, in the case of remarriage and blended families. The body can detect the presence of a genetically unrelated “strange male” in the immediate vicinity, and that seems to trigger sexual readiness. The earlier and longer the exposure to stepfather or other unrelated male adult in the household, the stronger the effect, reports psychologist Bruce Ellis, of his groundbreaking studies on development and family structure.
The same studies show that puberty is delayed by the presence of the biological father in the household. And the more that fathers interact with their daughters when young, the more puberty is delayed.
Aside from the risk of early pregnancy, the trouble with early physical maturation is the likelihood that girls will not be emotionally mature enough to cope with male attention as a result of their precocious sexuality.
The message is that dads count in ways we never imagined before.
Flanery offers this advice to dad: “Putting yourself in the field to play is infinitely more worthwhile than not doing it at all. Just being there is often the best you can do and truly that’s plenty.
After all, some of the most effective parenting comes when you can’t plan on it.